<?php

$prepares = [];
for ($k = 0; $k <= 2; ++$k) {
    $prepares[$k] = file(__DIR__ . '/prepare' . $k . '.php');
    array_shift($prepares[$k]);
    $prepares[$k] = implode("\n", $prepares[$k]);
}

// Extending classes (wpdb0 to wpdb1 to wpdb2) causes wpdb0 to be slower than wpdb2.

eval('
    class wpdb_patched extends wpdb {

        public function prepare_0( $query, ...$args ) {
            ' . $prepares[0] . '
        }

        public function prepare_1( $query, ...$args ) {
            ' . $prepares[1] . '
        }

        public function prepare_2( $query, ...$args ) {
            ' . $prepares[2] . '
        }

    }');

global $wpdb;
$wpdb = new wpdb_patched(DB_USER, DB_PASSWORD, DB_NAME, DB_HOST);

?>